Sunday, August 28, 2011


  I attended a friend's memorial service today, and as we arrived there was a long line of people (no surprise) ready to pay their respects for this man approaching his 41st birthday.  At previous services I have cried, out of either sadness or joy depending on what I knew about the soul that has passed on. This particular man that I went to see has a special place in my heart because without his existence I most definitely, without a doubt, would not have the family I currently have. My brother-in-law and I stood quietly outside in this line reflecting on his passing before viewing the body. This man was loved my many, many people, and it was because he had a heart of gold. He never judged or turned anyone away just because of how they looked, he accepted everyone as who they are. As we entered the funeral home, I got a glimpse of his lifeless body laying in the casket, but tried to refrain until I was able to kneel before him and pray for God to accept him for who he was. As we approached, I was fixated on his face when I was still a few people back. My brother-in-law apologized to me about his emotions and tears began to roll down his face, then it was his turn, then mine. As I walked up, kneeled, made the sign of the cross, and was ready to recite the prayer I had gone over in my head, knowing the time had come to pray it, was gone, all I could say looking at my friend of 20 yrs was "Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy" over and over and over. I did not cry. My emotions were "frozen".

  The last 5 or so years of his life, "we" all had to back away from being "friends and family" to him because he got caught up in a "trap" and this "trap" just so happened to be... heroin. Even though having two beautiful daughters, a loving family, great friends, and the like, he chose drugs. Driven to do crimes, spend time in jail (which we thought would straighten him) and being disowned, he continued this lifestyle of being homeless, and abandoned, from those who loved him, by a mere substance...heroin.

  While he was serving time in jail, I printed out prayers for him, common Catholic prayers, Hail Mary, Glory Be, and the, Our Father, sealed them up, and sent them his way.  He was sober in jail "I assume" but when he got out, right back to the same old routine...heroin.  His immediate family members and close friends discussed his situation and "we" decided if he doesn't change, he will die. Sure enough, the texts and phone calls began to fly, "Ronnie is dead".  When I found out from a reliable source, an hour and a half after his being found 'alone' on the street, dead, I just prayed, made phone calls, sent texts, and prayed.  I did not cry, my emotions were..."frozen".

  He died 'alone' in the street, in an apparent drug overdose...heroin.

  I was praying, asking God to reveal the state of Ronnie's soul to me, and I received the word "darkness" which led me to believe the state of his soul was in purgatory. The next morning before I opened my bible, I prayed to the Holy Spirit to reveal to me through His Word, what I needed to make it through the day, and this is what I received: "Now this is the message that we have heard from him and proclaim to you: God is light, and in Him there is no 'darkness' at all. If we say, we have fellowship in Him, while we continue to walk in 'darkness', we lie and do not act in truth. But if we walk in the light, then we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of His son Jesus cleanses us from all sin. If we say, we are not without sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from every wrongdoing. If we say we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and his word is not in us." 1 John 1 5-10.  This passage was not aimed at Ronnie, it was aimed at ME, my emotions were "frozen" because I had not forgiven Ronnie for what he had done in life, my anger at him, for his children's sake overrode what should have been forgiveness on my part. After all, as I have revealed, without Ronnie, I don't have what I have.

  For all I know, Ronnie, as he lay dying, in the street, 'alone' could have made perfect contrition with God, reciting the prayers I sent him in jail, and very well could be in heaven. As the tears finally start to flow,  "I forgive you Ronnie"!

  May God rest your soul!

  p.s. we NEVER know what state a soul is in at the time of death.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Big brother

  Right now in our lifetime, things around us are changing at a very rapid pace. Most of it has to do with technology and our privacy. In the big cities, now, there are cameras with real time footage, that can track and see everyone walking on the street, or taking the bus. (In San Fransisco, even INSIDE the bus) Cell phones can pinpoint your location ,our computers contain all personal information and we have no idea who views it, and this clashes with our privacy rights.
The government claims all of these things are for our protection. In one way, it is, this is how some terrorists have been tagged, and criminals identified by these "watch dog" surveillance systems. In some ways,  technology has made the world a "smaller" place, bringing friends and family in contact that live nowhere near each other, and this is a good thing, however, having our every move traced is not. 

  Actually none of the above is anything new, really. We have always been watched from the beginning of time. Not only what we do, how we act, what we view on t.v., how we treat each other, ect...
We get observed from our creator, not just our outward behavior, but what is in our hearts, our thoughts, and even our intentions. So guard your every thought in Christ! God knows the number of hairs on our head (yes even the gray ones) which is far more than any security camera or surveillance system will ever know. God wants us focused on Him. God will protect us from "Big Brother". Who knows (and who cares?) what plan the governments have in store for all the technology at hand. Ultimately, it has no effect on what God has in store for us. God also holds nations responsible for their actions.  So, grin at the cameras, and let them think that you're up to no good, after all, the grin is because your in conversation with the all seeing, all knowing God, who, in fact, has the greatest plan of all. Our salvation! 


Tuesday, August 9, 2011


Karinann at Daughter of the King has tagged me this "saintly" meme.

Assuming you are a saint, and your cause has been executed, your miracles confirmed, your date on the calendar established, all that is required is to select that of which Holy Mother Church will name you Patron (ess) of.

For this meme, you must name your patronage
and then tag 5 other people who would like to play along.

Linking your answer to your nominator's post would make it easier to get your answers.

  The Church has just canonized me as a Saint ;) and boy wouldn't that be a grand feat! When I saw that I had been tagged, it took all of about a millisecond to decide as to what patron I feel capable of being. With a military background and knowing what it is like to be engaged in war, I would be delighted to be able to intercede for those afflicted or affected by the outcome of war, whether soldier or civilian.



Saturday, August 6, 2011

Faith reassured

  In this day and age it seems as if everything is in an uproar, minimal jobs, minimal pay, stocks up and down with no stability, crime through the roof, suicides, homicides, abortion, debt, war and this list only scratches the surface. People are scurrying about spinning their wheels trying to gain control of everything or ANYTHING.  My personal experience with "control" happens to be this: "the more I try to gain control of something, the less headway I  make." I FINALLY figured out that there is only ONE in complete control of the universe, and is not manipulated by ANYTHING. I honestly believe that we, here on earth, live on the "testing" ground  and the path we follow now is the road to our eternal resting place. Jesus said "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also your heart will be." Matt 6: 29-21






Monday, August 1, 2011

Lost sheep

  We are all sinners and have fallen short. God loves sinners immensely, so if you feel insignificant and far beyond God's reach, it is a false feeling, only fueled by the evil one. Jesus speaks to us in mostly parables, but the messages He delivers  are very clear. If the feeling of being lost and non findable runs through your thoughts, I have great news for you. You can be found and all of Heaven will rejoice. Here is how: If a shepherd with a 100 sheep loses 1, he will leave the 99 and scour the countryside looking for his lost sheep and when he finds it, there will be rejoicing and complete happiness, maybe even a celebration. This is the parable Jesus gives in Luke 15: 3-7. He is referring to lost individuals who have no direction of where they might be the safest. The safest place a human can possibly be is under God's wing! Jesus is looking for that lost sheep and so am I! Place all your trust in Jesus and he will caress your soul and undoubtedly reassure you that you are worthy of his love, the mercy Jesus gives us is larger than life itself, He has great hope in finding you and so do I.
  Jesus offers peace, love, and hope regardless of how lost you feel inside yourself or in the world.  Be prepared to be picked up shaken off and placed in his heart. There is plenty of room! His concern is not where you have been, but where you want to be.
  Heavenly father, from the depths of my heart I pray for those who are in deep need of your direction, may you lead them to safety in your most Sacred Heart. Protect all men and women from the harm of the evil one and show your mercy upon the people in this world, in your precious name I pray. Amen.